When leaders act like skunks

A group of enigmatic little skunks have a characteristic move:

When threatened, they flip into a handstand.

Kicking out their back legs and puffing out their tail to look bigger and menacing, they advance towards the predator. Still upside down, they spew their noxious spray.

Sound like anyone you know?

The visionary co-founder? The volatile CTO?

They’re brilliant, talented and accomplished. They’re also arrogant and overbearing when they don’t get what they want.

Naturally, you think they’re intentionally being difficult.

But anyone who behaves this way is, fundamentally, a frightened skunk.

Feeling insecure.

Defaulting to automatic coping mechanisms they’ve had for years.

Inside their head, there’s a voice broadcasting doubt and fear, perceiving potential threats.

So when you question something they say, they think: “This person doesn’t believe in me.”

When you make a well-intentioned suggestion, they assume: “She thinks I’m screwing up.”

Their focus on self-protection prevents them from receiving the support they need.

So here’s the first step: help them feel safe.

I know. Not the natural reaction when someone is advancing toward you in a menacing handstand of bravado.

But remind them you have their back.

Tell them you believe in the vision.

Put yourself in their shoes and see the world as they do.

That’s what one of my COO clients did. He was bristling at being micro-managed by the new CEO brought on by investors, feeling like he shouldn’t have to prove himself to a new boss.

But as we practiced role-playing the situation, he shifted his perspective: “He’s under a lot of pressure. It can’t be easy managing a group of rock star performers used to doing things their own way.”

In response to this attitude, the CEO’s behavior changed dramatically. He lowered his figurative tail, became more humble and starting trusting my client and his team to execute.

I don’t know how it works with skunks.

But with humans, it always starts with psychological safety.