The #1 mistake you’re making with feedback (and the tiny tweak to fix it)

I started studying piano at the age of five.

Since then, I’ve taken hundreds of lessons and performed in dozens of master classes.

So I’ve gotten all different kinds of feedback.

Often, it wasn’t helpful and sometimes it was downright demotivating.

• Like the professor at Juilliard who told me: “You play like a mouse.”
• The Russian teacher who kept asking, “Why do you play it like that?”
• The chamber music coach who said, “You haven’t played Impressionist music before, have you…”

Giving effective feedback is a hot topic these days.

And it’s largely based on the theory that we are more objective about others’ weaknesses than they are.

But that’s not the case.

Our opinions of others are subjective and unreliable, based on our interpretation, standards and biases.

In fact, research shows more than half of our rating of someone else reflects our characteristics, not theirs.

So, now what?

Are you supposed to just put up with sub-par performance? Throw out the 360-reviews?

Actually, there’s a simple but powerful tweak you can make right now.

And it starts with the one place humans are a reliable source of truth: their own feelings and experience.

Too often, people give feedback as if they’re the authority stating a fact: “You need to be more assertive.”

But we can’t objectively evaluate someone’s performance.

We can only tell them …

• whether they’re convincing to us
• how their pitch landed with us
• how their attitude affects us

What’s more effective is to simply share your observation and how it made you feel. Like this:

👉🏻 Can I give you some feedback? ===> Here’s how that landed for me.

👉🏻 You lack strategic thinking. ===> I’m not clear on the big picture.

👉🏻 You need to communicate more clearly. ===> Here’s where you started to lose me.

This approach is what makes the role-play practice I do with clients to help them prepare for high-stakes meetings so powerful.

I don’t have to point out what they’re doing “wrong.” All I do is share my experience when I put myself in the shoes of the people they’re speaking to.

“When you said X, I felt myself getting defensive.”

“When you said do Y but don’t do Z, I got confused.”

Clients don’t feel judged or attacked, which makes it easier to receive the information without getting defensive. In minutes, they’re able to change behaviors they’ve had for years.

And helping people become better versions of themself — isn’t that the whole point of feedback?

When you’re ready to level up your leadership, here are two ways I can help:

• Founders Evolving Faster, a cohort-based course that helps founders turbo-charge their leadership communication skills. Learn more HERE .
• A 1:1 executive coaching engagement. Schedule a “Create Your Future” call HERE .

Let’s work together to make your vision a reality. With a high-velocity learning system, it’s simpler than you think.