Five Ways Alpha Performers Get In Their Own Way

Alpha performers are hardwired for achievement — they have a bias for action, high tolerance for risk and they thrive on the challenges that others find intimidating.

What’s not to admire?

However, what I’ve seen in working with and coaching alpha personalities — military Special Operations, serial entrepreneurs and top sales professionals — is that, wielded without emotional intelligence, the very traits that helped them attain their current degree of success become a double-edged sword when they want to take on even greater challenges. The more impact they want to have, the more they will have to be able to inspire and influence people.

Here are five ways alpha performers get in their own way:

1. They’re too mission driven.

When I conduct mental resilience training for Special Operations teams, I include role playing exercises so they have a chance to practice the new strategies in a safe environment.

”I’m really busy,” said the operator playing a high-ranking official in one of the scenarios. “Well, how about I come by at 4:30 this afternoon then?” said the sergeant, his counterpart in the role play. And right there, in his narrow focus on getting sign-off on the resources he needed, the sergeant missed an opportunity to establish the rapport that could have paved a quicker path to accomplishing his task.

Because even if it’s the official’s job to provide resources, nobody likes to be treated like an ATM machine. “Oh right, I bet you’re busy with Situation X,” the sergeant could have said, acknowledging the official’s status and connecting with him as a human. Or, “I know you’ve got a lot on your plate but this will benefit the teams because…” to provide a larger context.

Instead, he tried to go directly from point A to point B. Mission not accomplished.

2. They’re quick to react.

Sometimes I’ll ask a CEO client who’s frustrated with a team member, “Did you ask him what he meant?” No, he says, taken aback, as if wondering why he would do that. Or, “I already know what he thinks.”

Alphas process information very quickly. And in their impatience to drive toward the target, they assume they know exactly what others mean or are going to say, and interrupt or tune out.

As a result, instead of being curious and asking clarifying questions — e.g. “Can you give me an example of what’s ‘not working’?” — they put others on the defensive. They miss subtle body language — a hesitation before answering or lack of eye contact — and opportunities to uncover erroneous assumptions that could better inform their own decision-making.

3. They’re too rational.

Alphas think that paying attention to feelings, even their own, is a distraction from getting the job done. And since thinking rationally is their default mode, they assume that’s what others will respond to. So, faced with someone in an emotional state, they home in on fixing what they perceive as the problem.

They try to explain and persuade and convince, instead of exploring the underlying emotion; what if the sales prospect’s objection isn’t cost, for example, but the fear of making another wrong decision and losing face (again) in front of their CEO.

No matter how logically the alpha presents his case, rational and emotional mix like oil and water. The person caught up in their emotions is, well, caught up in their emotions and won’t respond rationally.

4. They don’t want to look weak.

Nobody likes to look weak, of course. But alphas are particularly attached to their identity of strength and control: making a mistake, not knowing the answer or lacking competence all feel like signs of weakness.

They can fall into what Stanford researcher Carol Dweck calls a “fixed mindset,” equating lack of natural ability — i.e. the need to make an effort — with weakness. So they focus on what they’re already good at, hunting for new business instead of cultivating existing client accounts. Pistol shooting, in the case of SpecOps, instead of working on their rifle skills. And they cover up their discomfort with bravado, saying: “That’s stupid” or “This is bullshit.”

The thing is, when alphas say they don’t want to look weak, they’re actually giving up their power; they’re letting other’s opinions dictate their actions. No doubt that’s why, to give a recent high-profile example, JR Smith of the Cavaliers refused so adamantly to admit he made a mistake leading to the team’s loss in the 2018 NBA finals.

They don’t realize how showing vulnerability can prove to their advantage. It’s the ability to ask the “dumb” question that others are afraid to ask, or call out one’s own mistakes — especially when everyone knows it — that build trust and loyalty. Former Navy SEAL Dave Cooper, widely recognized for training the top SEAL teams, says, “‘I screwed up’ are the most powerful words a leader can say.”

5. They take too much responsibility.

Alphas thrive on levels of responsibility most people would find overwhelming. What trips them up is when they try to control things that are out of their control: like, the future, others feelings and decisions.

And so, I’ve seen the entrepreneur CEO who’s stressed to the point of breaking because he believes he has to do everything himself and doesn’t delegate; the startup founder who struggles to get funding because he wants to disclose every potential risk in investing in his company; the soldier who sacrifices his long-term personal needs because he doesn’t want to “hurt” his family.

It’s time to evolve

Of course, as I said, alphas have reached their current level of success precisely by being mission-driven, rational and in control. This is why they excel at being operators or in mid-level management, where their primary focus is on processes.

Still, to reach the top echelons of inspirational leadership and high performance, alphas will have to evolve, to develop the mental agility and emotional intelligence to:

• zoom out to see the big-picture, and back in for the details.
• be curious about others perspectives and opinions.
• demonstrate humility, vulnerability and self-awareness.
• to toggle between empathetic connection and data-driven decision-making.

In my work with alpha-dominant teams, they respond to an approach that is:

1. Rational and concrete, not touchy feely (surprise, right?).

I focus on the science of emotion and our body as a chemical factory: understanding how to master the stress hormones and deploy the “feel good” hormones with metric-based techniques — the 90-second rule, for example — gives them a sense of control and motivation to practice.

2. Based on practical training and feedback loops.

Knowing exactly what to do appeals to the alphas’ action orientation. I provide specific exercises to train mental muscles — impulse control, for example — just like they would train a physical muscle; rating criteria enable them to track, and get feedback, on their execution and progress. Exercises don’t take time out of their day; they’re integrated into daily tasks and conversations, using the typical workday as a training field.

3. Focused on results.

What motivates alphas to change is understanding that their behavior doesn’t work as well as they think it does — that, as Marshall Goldsmith says, “what got them here, won’t get them there:” they won’t work with the most talented people, inspire their team’s full discretionary effort or realize their maximum impact.

To be clear, this isn’t about completely changing alphas’ M.O. Like mobility training for athletes, this is about enhancing their core capabilities: helping them expand their range and repertoire.

Which is how they will get what they ultimately want: to harness their full power, energy and competitive drive for the benefit of their careers and organizations.